Archive-name: Changes/daisy.txt
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Archive-title: Daisy’s Debut
After 37 years, most of which I’ve only dreamed of soft silk,
smooth satin and rustling petticoats, the opportunity has at last
arisen to bring some of those dreams to fruition. Only last Spring
upon becoming “modemized” did I stumble upon Compuserve’s
“Genderline” and CB Channel 13. Until that time I had been
completely and tightly closetted. Despite the fact that
crossdressing or at least thoughts of it had dominated my sexuality
since before puberty, only my wife of 11 years had any inkling of my
desires. Even she had to wait until a year after we were married
before I shared even a part of my true nature. At the time,
although she appeared tolerant, I assumed she couldn’t “enjoy” my
transvestism so even after she went so far as to purchase severals
lovely “gifts” for me, I kept my dreams and fantasies to myself.
Whether it was fear or embarassment, to this day I don’t know why I
remained so defensive and thus refrained from any activity other
than furtively collecting TV fiction whenever I got the chance.
Little did I know all that was about to change. After several weeks
of “lurking” on Compuserve, afraid to even speak, I finally worked
up the nerve, chose my new name, and made myself known to those who
would soon become my friends and “sisters”. I was made immediately
welcome and delighted in the openess and warmth of all who shared my
up-till-then secret love of all things feminine. I think “died and
gone to heaven” is the appropriate phrase.
Being the compulsive character I am, I made myself a home and
spent hours making new friends and trying to learn as much as I
could from the DL library and the experiences of others. I enjoyed,
at least vicariously, the many adventures of my sisters while
dressed as I had longed to be for so many years. In short order,
one of my friends mentioned the possibility of meeting face-to-face
as I had explained business sometimes took me thru her hometown. I
was both fascinated and fearful, but after a week of weighing the
pro’s and con’s, I decided to do it. Just before leaving on trip,
another friend expressed the same interest. Why not? This would be
a trip worth remembering. Having been faithful to my spouse
throughout our marriage (and heterosexual as far as I could tell)
it was understood the meetings would be asexual. It happened that
the second friend would be the first for geographical reasons and so
on a Sunday afternoon in May I found myself driving thru
Pennsylvania heading towards a rendezvous I wouldn’t have imagined
only a few weeks earlier. We had arranged to meet at a roadside
restaurant near their mountain cottage. I called as I approached
the area and happily learned we would be joined by “her” wife and
small son.
Breaking all of this to my own wife was of particular interest
at the time, so I was anxious for the input from a SO. I arrived
first, ordered a drink and waited for their arrival. Having made
the decision to meet in the first I had no fear, just a little
apprehension, but even that disappeared immediately as they walked
in and his wife gave me a big hugg. The ice was broken and melted
completely. The situation was so incredibly natural I found it
hard to believe. The conversation was non-stop and as open as the
surroundings permitted. Alice (he) and Beth (she, later aka Sunny)
invited me back to their cottage on the mountainside so we could
spend a couple more hours chatting and getting to know each other
better. it was wonderful. Whether it was simply “I’m Ok; you’re
Ok” I drove off with such elation I was floating and eager to meet
my other friend the day after next for breakfast.
Jennifer had been the very first to reach out a hand my first
night on Compuserve as Daisy and I had thought of her sort of as my
“big sister”. Again, after but the briefest moment of apprehension,
we both felt so comfortable as we sat and shared our experiences
from childhood on. The words copuldn’t come out fast enough as we
each fought to tell so much in so little time. As on Sunday, I was
invited home to continue the conversation in a more private
atmosphere without the fear of being overheard by those at the next
table (not that we didn’t enjoy the humor of it all, fighting to
keep from giggling as we shared our pasts amidst such a traditional
setting. Once there, I was in awe as she showed me her collection
of photos, wigs, dresses, and gowns. I knew at that moment,
somehow, this would be a path I had to walk. Perhaps it would not
be for me in the end, but I was confident the exploration would have
to be made. I drove off filled with elation; I was not alone and
the trip ahead was sure to be exciting.
Over the next month of two, I continued to make innumerable
friends with the help of my always present Laptop and Modem. I met
with Alice and Sunny again for lunch in the middle of another
business trip and together with another online couple from the West
Coast developed bonds of friendship that guaranteed freedom from the
lonliness that had been with me so much of my life. We had
developed something of a “buddy system” depending on each other for
support and direction. I felt as close to the wives as I did with
my sisters and they helped me immeasurably in improving the
relationship I had with my own spouse. I think at first my wife
suspected that I should be committed until somehow I could be
“cured” but gradually we came to understand each other and
respective needs better. In fact, in July, we both visited the
mountain cottage and shared the weekend with our new friends.
About that time, we all began to feel somewhat stagnant. We
knew the expense of active Compuserve participation had to be faced
and we all realized there was so much growth yet to come. One
evening online, I learned of Renaissance, a TV/TS support group
based outside Philadelphia.
The subject of similar groups had come up several times in
discussions online, but for me, I felt I had my own little group and
was unsure what if anything such a group could offer. It was
however, time for another step in my journey. I didn’t know what
that should be, but this was an option that was certainly of
interest. I had never met another TV “dressed” although I had seen
countless photos over the years. While it would be a trip for me,
Alice lived nearby and we decide we’ld both go to investigate
further. We understood most of the “girls” would be suitably
attired, but neither of us felt ready for that step just yet. Then,
the beauty that she is, Alice had a change of heart. I still wasn’t
ready so I guess I’ld just have to go as her escort. We arranged to
meet at a hotel near the meeting sight, where Sunny would help Alice
prepare. As in all our previous meetings, it was great. Meeting
“Alice” for the first was wonderful; Sunny wished us well and off we
drove. Was all this really happening I thought. We were both
quickly made to feel at home, Alice in her “career woman” suit, and
me in a coat and tie. The diversity of my new community was of
great interest and I knew I would be back again.
Only one small problem – even though the other members would
have made me feel welcome regardless, I would have felt
uncomfortable attending future meetings dressed as I was. Here was
my opportunity, my path towards discovering more of my own self. I
decided I would go again and next time in the dress I had only
dreamed of for so many years.
This was going to be a challenge. Other than “sharing” my
wife’s lingerie from time to time, I had little experience and
certainly no wardrobe. The next meeting wasn’t until late in
September but that was so little time for what I had to do. I
decided I couldn’t prepare for this and continue to spend the many
hours on Compuserve I had most every night. And with my
self-control (or lack of it) being what it is, I knew there was only
one choice for me. I had to pull the plug completely, at least
temporarily.
So, in early August I said my goodbyes painfully, set the date
for my disconnection from so many of my onlie friends, and yanked
it. (ooo, that hurt) Even more importantly, despite my intentions,
some of my activities were causing a gap in my relationship at
home. instead of bringing us closer, the time spent at the keyboard
was causing a strain. If I were to succeed, I would need my wife’s
help and without her understanding and support, I would have gone
back to my earlier ways I suspect, i.e. trapped in fantasyland
forever. Thankfully, I married quite a remarkable girl; she’s been
of incredible help. She’s accompanied me shopping for shoes,
makeup, my first ever dress, etc. The time away from the keyboard I
used to experiment with cosmetics, go thru half her closet, as well
as wander the malls and thrift shops. Then of course, the
unexpected! I learned of Joann Roberts and the Weekend in the
Pocono’s. Alice and Sunny decided to go; Jennifer decided to go;
even Michele and his wife from Austin who I had wanted to meet would
be there. How could I pass this up? It was to be a four day event
scheduled the week preceding my intended deadline. While it was
impossible to break away for the four days, perhaps if I could just
make it up on Saturday to see so many of my friends together. I
checked with Joann to Ok my visit with her and moved my deadline
up. I still had no wig and so little practice. I called the
company from which I had ordered two wigs and discovered neither
would make it to me in time. Not to worry – Jenn (a wig fancier
from way back) volunteered to bring a spare or two (or three or
four). The schedule announced that Saturday would be a makeup
seminar and then makeovers (a lifelong dream). Checking my post
office box a few days before the event, I found a package from Alice
and Sunny – copies of the “Color Me Beautiful” books. I knew that
with the help of my friends, everything would work out fine.
So, here it is the night before. There’s no fear, no
apprehension, just excitement. The bag is packed. My only dress,
three blouses, two skirts, low heels, high heels, the loveliest
ivory lingerie, scads of makeup, and my camera. I’ve been dreaming
of this day all my life.
After finally falling asleep at 1am, I was up and ready to go
by 5 Saturday morning. The drive to the Pocono’s would take 4-5
hours so I wanted an early start. Alice and Sunny, Michele and his
wife, and Jennifer had been there since Thursday and I was dying to
join them as soon as I could. Alice had already prearranged a
“makeover” for me with the professional makeup artists for later
that afternoon, but both she and Jennifer wanted a crack at my face
as well. The drive went by quickly; partly in that my brain was
racing the whole time, partly in that the engine was also racing
with my foot planted heavily on the gas. I pulled into the resort
shortly after nine and joined everyone in the dining area for
morning coffee and donuts. There had been a costume party the night
before and it had obviously taken its toll. Many of the revellers
still had heavy traces of mascara and liner highlighting their
bloodshot eyes. After getting the lay of the place, I joined Alice
in their room for my first lesson. She had been experimenting
with surgical tape facelifts recently, so my face was soon pulled
and stretched into a more wrinklefree canvas. I had spent the last
month in front of my own mirror playing with eyeshadow, powder and
blusher, etc., but Alice quickly showed me the much greater
attention I would have to pay to detail. She introduced me to
“Dermablend”, a foundation to cover the beardline and then
continued on with blusher, shadow, liner, mascara, and lipstick.
She would do her own face as I watched intently and then supervise
as I tried it myself. This first attempt with “coaching” was so
much better already than any I had done alone. Jennifer finally
showed up, jokingly miffed that she hadn’t gotten to me first. She
brought along the promised wig (shoulder length blond) although it
was still damp from an earlier washing. We hung it on the air-
conditioning unit to let it dry as Alice finished with my face and
I happily donned my lingerie. Matching ivory slip and panties,
pantyhose, waist cincher, longline bra and inexpensive foam
inserts. The wig still wasn’t quite ready but time was running out
for us to get to the scheduled makeup seminar. Jennifer fixed it
as best she could while I finished dressing in my black skirt, red
blouse, and low black patent heels. The seminar itself was great.
Donna and Eric, who run a Philadelphia studio open to TV clients,
gave a full demonstation showing the effects of facial contouring
and proper application. My own makeover was the first one on their
schedule following the demonstration so I had to run back to the
room and quickly strip off the makeup we had so carefully put on an
hour earlier. Eric, who had a background in stage as well as TV
makeup did me. The feeling I had as I sat quietly, my back to the
mirror, was incredible. His staff took delight upon learning that
this was my first- ever experience “dressed” and oohed and aahed as
Eric did his work. Donna, the hair specialist, suggested a
different wig color, and Jennifer quickly returned with just the
thing from her collection. This was a darker blond with almost
salt and pepper highlights. Eric quickly pinned it to my scalp
and began to style it (“I love volume” he said as I still sat
without my first look in the mirror). Alice, Sunny, Jennifer, and
a small crowd stood by beaming at what was being done. Finally
Eric was finished and I rushed over for my first look. My heart
was bursting. While preparing over the previous weeks, I was
fearful that my effort would be a poor one; I wanted to be the girl
of my dreams, not a “man in drag”. The transformation was
amazing. My eyes were beautiful; the hair was exquisite; the whole
effect was beyond my wildest hopes. The camera was found and Alice
took a variety of shots for my scrapbook-to-be. After “supervising”
Alice’s wife Sunny’s makeover we went back to the room for more
fun. I tried on every piece of my wardrobe as well as half of
their’s as they gave their suggestions and opinions. I was in
seventh heaven; my mind had turned to mush as I rushed from one
outfit to the next. Unfortunately, it had been raining much of the
day, so when we finally went to the dining hall for dinner, out came
the umbrellas and we gingerly sidestepped the puddles in our heels.
I had worn my low heels much of the day and I was thrilled to find
they gave me no problem, in fact, I found them to be more
comfortable than many of my male shoes. The test would come that
evening. Alice loaned me a red knit dress accented with a wide
black belt and scarf for dinner. The waist cincher was also a
success. I had never worn it for very long and had been concerned
over its longterm comfort. It turned out that was no problem at all
and it did give me a nice nipped-in figure. The wide belt
highlighted my waistline even further. After the communal dinner,
everyone went back to find their finest outfits for the “Princess
Ball” later that evening.
Over the course of the day I had worn my three blouses (all of
which looked great with the basic black skirt and heels), but my
one-and-only dress was more for daywear. Again, my frriends bailed
me out. Luckily, my height (5-6″) is an advantage, and Sunny
offered me one of her’s. After refreshing my makeup, I slipped into
her blue silk print, gold necklace, and heavy gold earrings. I
hadn’t stopped soaring since my arrival. Each costume change served
to reinforce the happiness I felt at finally dressing as I had
dreamed since childhood. The touch of the wig at the nape of my
neck; the tug of the earrings; the tightness of my calf muscles; the
silky friction between my stocking, slip, and dress, all brought
chills down my back. To complete the outfit, I changed from my low
pumps into 4″ open-toed black sandals. They, of course, required
that I paint my toenails (another first). At last, we were all
ready and off we went again. Joann Roberts, the sponser of the
event had scheduled a talent show with other girls from the
Renaissance group as participants. This was to follow the
“Princess Promenade” where each girl in attendance would
individually be escorted to the stage. Voting would take place in
several categories; Miss Congeniality, Miss Ingenue, Miss “Gams”,
and of course, the “Princess” of the weekend. Everyone was
stunning. The care that was taken in gowns, makeup, and hairstyles
was amazing. To the surprise of few, Michele, my Compuserve friend
who had come all the way from Texas, took the main title. Michele
has to be seen to be believed (a size 7! and what a walk). The
talent show was equally outstanding. Morgan, Kelly, Madame X and
others from the group did fantastic renditions of Ann-Margaret,
Dolly Parton, and Bette Middler, etc. These girls were GOOD! The
long hours were finally beginning to catch up however. A little
after 2am, I had to call it quits. Even that was great. Sunny
laughed the next morning when I labeled it “breaking down”. To
remove my slipover dress, I had to remove the wig; to remove the
bobbypins, I had to first remove the my long “press-on” nails. It
was wonderful. All this done, I zonked out immediately, sorry that
this day had to end.
